A Teacher's Journal 38: Are We Failing Our Boys?

I would argue that they aren't. In fact, the majority of classrooms in our country are structured to reward students who learn "the little girl way." Skills and behaviors like compassion and empathy are celebrated. Verbal ability and collaboration are valued. Many of these skills and behaviors develop quickly and naturally for girls. Others are socially reinforced as positives for young ladies from an early age.

Many boys, on the other hand, are naturally competitive from an early age. My parents used this trait against me at dinnertime. "I'll bet you can't clean your whole plate in ten minutes," they'd say, "And don't forget the green beans!" I'd happily race the clock, unknowingly being tricked into eating a food that I despised! My brain simply couldn't resist a good challenge.

Boys are also more tactile and active than girls from an early age. Movement is essential. Watch your sons -- they can't sit still, can they? They stand at the dinner table or while watching television, right? They bounce on their beds, they wrestle, they run and they roll in the grass, don't they? Have you ever seen two boys sprinting to the front door of the church (or their sister's dance recital or cotillion class) after having been dragged out of bed by their moms and dads?

In schools, their bodies are constantly moving too. Boys in my classroom play drums with their pencils, whistle, lean back in their chairs, take trips to the bathroom, stand up, and sit down in a yearlong game of musical bodies. Paper wads, dinner rolls and Gatorade bottles become basketballs and the trashcan becomes the hoop. Impromptu games of pig happen all the time!

Because verbal ability doesn't develop as quickly in boys, this competitiveness and activity is often expressed through aggressive actions shunned in classrooms. My boys race to see who will be first in the lunch line. They shout out answers. They push when someone takes something that belongs to them. They grab anything set in front of them -- whether it is snacks or dictionaries -- and they are completely unable to describe their feelings when made angry or sad.

What's more, society sends messages to boys that compassion, empathy and collaboration are not traits to be valued in men. Men are supposed to be decisive. They are supposed to be risk takers -- "Make it happen" guys. Think about how many times you've heard the following statements made to -- or about -- the boys and men in your life:

"I never saw my father cry."
"Bullying is just a part of life. Deal with it."
"That's just boys being boys."
"Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing."
"Winners never quit and quitters never win."
"Come on Johnny, tough it out now. You'll be fine."
"No excuses, son. Just get it done."

Or my personal favorite:

"My son is just a little sensitive. He'll get over it."

In reality, all boys are "a little sensitive." They're just taught to mask their sensitivity from an early age. To live up to society's expectations -- and the expectations of their peers -- boys have to work in ways that are not recognized or valued in most classrooms.

And as a result, boys are struggling in nearly every statistical category. Fewer boys make the honor roll than girls. More boys fail core academic classes than girls. Fewer boys are admitted to four-year universities than girls. More boys get in fights than girls. More boys are suspended from school than girls. Boys drop out of school at a higher rate than girls. Boys commit suicide at a higher rate than girls and commit most acts of school-based violence as well.

Let's continue to advocate for instructional practices that meet the needs of our girls, but let's not close our eyes to the very real challenges of raising our boys.

To do so would be just as dangerous.